Princess of Clean
by Lullasong
Summary: Discord decides to help Twilight in giving a small presentation to the beloved citizens of Ponyville. Many have already come and the show is about to begin!


**Just a short little story I cooked up. Fair warning, it might get...downright odd. XD Yes people, this is my style of humor. ^^ So, please enjoy!**

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 **Princess of Clean**

 _By Lullasong_

"Everypony ready?!" asked Discord, peering out from behind the curtain into the crowd of gathered ponies. The audience stomped their hooves in approval. It was a decent sized turn out considering the short amount of time since the announcement was made.

"D-discord?" Twilight asked, hooves shaking with anxiety. "I d-don't think I can do this. I mean-"

"Not another word my dear," Discord interjected, placing a comforting paw upon her shoulder. "Just remember, you are 'Twilight Sparkle' _the_ Princess of Friendship. You've got nothing to worry about, they _adore_ you. So go out on that stage and knock em' dead!"

He'd hoped that would be enough motivation.

Twilight quickly retreating back to her book fort in cowering fear shot down those optomistic thoughts. "Maybe we should...you know, just go over it one more time. To be safe." she said.

Discord had opened his mouth to offer some sort of sarcastic comment but stopped. It would indeed save time and frustration to just simply oblige. "Fine, but just once more..."

With a sharp snap of his fingers the book fort reconfigured itself into a miniature throne complete with one very real and life-sized Twilight Sparkle sitting upon it's sadly uncomfortable hardcover seat. "Ahem, so I'll take it from the top. As I said before - 'You are Twilight. _The_ Princess of Friendship. Nothing to worry about, blah blah blah. Knock em' dead!' ...So to continue with that train of thought."

"You are in need of funds, aka bits. So you can finally get your own royal guard, pay castle staff, upkeep etc. And to earn said bits without anymore aid from the other Princess' of Equestria you need to seek out other forms of income. It wouldn't do to have a Princess of Friendship just go around begging for monetary funding for such things now would it?"

He waited just long enough for her to nod her head in the affirmative. "So-"

"But..." It was she who interrupted this time. "Couldn't we just ask for-"

"Ah, ah, ah, I've told you before. You're the only one who is able do this. You've got me backing you up, now enough fooling around or the crowd will surely get restless. It's showtime baby!" Discord got behind the book throne and with one swift kick sent it sliding out from behind the curtains right out onto the stage.

Twilight sat there, frozen. Eyeballing each and every one of the faces staring at her from all directions in total silence. After a gulp she began. "Uh, heh heh. Hi, my name is T-twilight Sparkle. Oh, but I bet you all already new that." She gave a nervous chuckle.

"And are probably wondering why I've called you here today." She closed her eyes, trying to get all her anxiety out within the span of a single deep breath.

"Does your toilet stink? Does it have that hideous aroma that only comes from the many piles of pony manure held within? Then have I got the product for you!" She turned her head and gave a smile and wink to Discord who was looking on from backstage.

With a cheery thumbs up and smile back at her he slid out the demonstration commode filled with one-hundred and fifty percent genuine horse by-product.

"Introducing..." she continued. "Twilight Sparkle's Toilet Sparkle!" With one hoof she held out the light-pink bottle of spray in the shape of her smiling visage. Holding it toward the pot-o-potty she squeezed the spray trigger releasing a dark yellow spritz of mist toward it. "With just one spritz of this amazing cleanser, all that unpleasantry will be a thing of the past!"

Now to really sell it she stuck the end of her muzzle right above the commode sucking in several slow deep breaths, taking extra care to take in all it's aromatic glory. "Oh my..." She gave the sick signal - a green face with cheeks puffed out, profusely pouring out sweat.

Applejack rushed her over a bucket. No time at all and her head was in there, heartily chucking up her last meal. Amazingly all while simultaneously squirting nearly the rest of the bottle all over the afflicted toilet. Putting the bucket away she tried to save face. "S-sorry, sorry everypony that was just my nerves. It had nothing to do with the um...smell."

Cautiously walking over she whispers calming words of reassurance to herself. "All that unpleasantry will be a thing of the past." Bravely she sticks her nose out inching ever closer to the stink. " _No bad smells. Please don't be there. Please don't be there. Please smell like lemons."_

Seconds later she was again hugging the bucket. "Not lemons! Not Lemons!" she'd cry in between her bouts of sickness.

"This is bad Discord, she's bombing out there!" said Pinkie Pie. "Time for plan Pinkeh Pye!" Wasting no time Pinkie drenches herself with a bucket of lavender paint and affixes a Twilight wig and pair of wings made from paper mache' to her head and body. "Beam me up Discord." With that battle cry Discord teleports Twilight off the stage and pops Pinkie in her place.

She then addresses the crowd. "Oh, sorry everypony, my bad. Guess I had one too many of Pinkie Pie's delicious cupcakes earlier. But never fear, this stuff works!" She held up the cleanser. "To further prove my point I'm not gonna spray a single drop more of this on there. Cause it really only just needs one!" The pink imposter steps up to bat, schnoz right above the visible waves of stench coming off the toilet. She breathes in. Then again and again, breathing in just a little deeper each time.

Using her hooves she wafts the aroma up to her nose as if breathing in the sweet smell of a scented candle. "Mmmm...lemony. Not a single baddy bad bad smell to be smelt everypony." She gives a warm smile. "Now if you'll excuse me I'll just take this bucket and go backstage but I shall return momentarily with free samples for everypony."

"Discord, what in the world is going on here?" Twilight asked.

He barely paid any mind trying to stifle his bouts of laughter.

"Discord!" she repeated louder.

"Hahahaha," he finally turned to come face to face with two Twilight's. He stopped laughing. One Twilight still hovered over another bucket and the other was wearing a face of complete seriousness.

"Care to explain all of this? What is the other me doing here?" Twilight pointed a hoof toward her double.

"Other Twilight?" He rolled his eyes. "I don't know what you mean. But now that you mention it, that other pony does look a teensy bit like you."

"Don't lie to me Discord, I think you know exactly what I mean."

"What? That's just somebody I went and picked up from a little place called Canterlot High. She just so happens to resemble Twilight Sparkle _the_ Princess of Friendship. Not my fault."

The other Ms. Sparkle finally stumbled up onto her hooves. "What?! You told me Twilight needed Bits badly and that she was too nervous to do this all herself and so she needed me to do this for her."

"Is that true?" Pinkie chimed in. "I did emergency plan Pinkeh Pye for nothing?"

All three stepped closer and closer, driving him into a corner and not looking very happy about it.

"Oh, what's that I hear?" Discord put his fingers together. "I think I hear Fluttershy calling, see you later." And with a snap he vanished.

"Discord!" all three yelled in unison loud enough for everypony pony in the crowd to hear.

And they would have, but they couldn't seem to make themselves get over the shock of what they had just witnessed their beloved Princess do.

 **~End~  
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 **Thanks for reading! Like? Hate? And thanks to Masemj on deviantart for the cover!**


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